Twisted Hand of Fate
by Chanel5
Summary: Alex and Addison meet before College and have a brief fling. They don't see each other again until years later when Addison starts working at SGH. Do they still have feelings for each other all these years later? ADDEX Totally AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is really AU. Just a couple of things to help you out. For the purposes of this story Addison and Alex are the same age, and Alex and Mark are friends. I'm not entirely sure where it is going to go but I have a few ideas. Please let me know if it's worth continuing.**

**Chapter 1 – Girls Night In**

**Present Day Seattle**

Addison had moved to Seattle one week ago. She hadn't started work yet but had met some of her co-workers at her old Mentors house when Richard hosted a dinner for her and Derek. Richard wanted to make the new additions to his surgical team feel very welcome.

Addison immediately hit it off with Chief Resident Miranda and her 2IC Callie. A few nights before Addison and Derek were to start work Miranda and Callie invited Addison out for a girl's night. Derek too was spending the night with some of the male colleges he had met at Richard's house.

"So Addison tell us how you and Derek met."

"Oh we met in high school."

"Ahh High School sweethearts. That's so adorable." Miranda said.

"No No not exactly." Addison said laughing. "Derek was my best friend. We were both band geeks. Then after we both had disastrous dates and brief relationships, we kinda just thought we should give it a shot as a couple. I mean we already were best friends and knew everything about each other it was just the next logical step."

"Oh well that's not romantic." Callie said.

"No I guess it's not." Addison said looking down at her drink.

Sensing that Addison was now uncomfortable with the comment, Miranda tried to amend. "But hey romance is over rated and I'm sure you love each other very much."

"Oh we do. No one in the world makes me feel safe like Derek does. You know he has always been there for me. We are very comfortable together." Addison said with a shrug of her shoulders and another sip of her drink.

"So did you lose your virginity to him too?" Callie asked forever nosy.

"Callie!" Miranda admonished.

"No it's okay." Addison said with another laugh.

"Soooo." Callie continued.

"No it wasn't Derek."

"Ahh. So give us details. I can tell you mine was horrible. I was in High school. I had been dating him for a short time. It was all slopping kissing and fumbled hands it was just awful." Callie said laughing.

"Mine wasn't much better. First year of college, I got drunk and woke up next to a strange guy. I don't remember anything." Miranda added.

"Oh." Addison said remembering her first time.

"So what about yours?" Callie kept prying.

"I was on vacation in Florida. It was the summer before College was to start. I met a guy there and we spent the holiday together."

"So what happened?" Miranda asked thinking Addison's story sounded a little better than hers and Callie's.

"Oh it was a long time ago. I don't remember all the details. We hung out, had sex, then when the holidays were over he went back to Ohio to start college and I went to Harvard to start college. I never heard from him again."

"Men! They just use you, don't they?" Callie said.

"Some do. Not Derek. He is a nice guy, safe and decent. I'm very lucky." Addison said.

Callie and Miranda just looked at each other, both acknowledging that their new friend was trying to convince herself more than them that if was okay to settle for safe, forget about passion, lust, desire and that all consuming love.

"So do you ever wonder what happened to the guy from the summer?" Miranda asked, wanting to know more about the holiday romance.

"I've tried not to think about it. He broke my heart, my stupid naive heart. I was 18 years old what the hell did I know about love. I was an easy target for him. He was my age but much worldlier than me, I guess I was just another notch in his belt. He probably doesn't even remember me." Addison finished sadly. All these years later why did it still bother her? _Because so much more happened than meeting your first love and losing your virginity._

**Many years ago – Florida**

Addison and Naomi walked into the beach side diner and sat down. Both girls were so excited, it was the first time either of them had been away from home before without their parents. True they were staying with Naomi's grandmother but they could do as they pleased as long as they were home by midnight. Not that Grandma would be waiting up for them.

A rough and masculine guy about their age walked over and handed them a menu. Addison felt her hands get all clammy and when he looked at her and asked for her order she stammered out a response. Naomi looked at her strangely and ordered her own food.

"Are you okay? You look really pale." Naomi said.

"My God did you see him?" Addison asked softly not wanting to get caught by the very handsome guy who handed their order to the cook.

"Oh Addison you can't be serious."

"What?"

"He was the tough, cool guy at school. We don't like those guys Addie."

"I know, someone like that wouldn't look at me. He was probably popular at school, on some sports team or something. He probably dates a cheerleader, not the girl who plays clarinet."

"Yeah, so get over it. Besides you know I think you should give Derek a chance when we get home."

"Don't be stupid. Derek is my best friend, apart from you of course. I don't look at Derek like that and I'm sure he doesn't look at me like that."

"Chicken Caesar Salad for you." The waiter said as he put Naomi's food down. "And the Thai Beef Salad for you." He said to Addison smirking.

"Ah um thank you." Addison stammered.

"You're welcome." He said winking as he walked away.

Addison froze, she couldn't speak or move. Naomi rolled her eyes before saying "Addie really get a grip, he is just playing with you."

"Yeah I know, he is just so so... out of my league." Addison sighed as she began to move her fork around her salad. Her stomach was in knots and there was no way she could eat her food.

Later that day as the sun was starting to set the girls were walking along the beach, on their way home to get changed for a night out. Addison spotted the sexy guy from the diner walking towards her with what she assumed to be one of his friends. It was even harder to concentrate as he got closer as he had on a pair of board shorts and no shirt. He had an amazing body and Addison began to blush as she imagined what it would be like to touch him.

As he approached her, he began to smile, that cocky, sexy arrogant smile that made her even more nervous.

"Hey." He said casually.

"Hi" she replied.

"Are you guys doing anything tonight?" He asked.

"We don't even know your name." Naomi replied snootily.

"Well I can fix that. I'm Alex and this is my friend Mark."

Naomi glared at him. He was dangerous. She had never seen her friend react the way she did when she laid eyes on Alex today. This could only end badly.

"I'm Addison and this is Naomi." Addison finally found her tongue and decided to pull it together. If she ever wanted to shed the band geek image here was her chance. Alex didn't know she was a band geek, he also didn't know she used to wear braces or that she came from a wealthy Manhattan family. So here in Florida was her chance to be the girl who maybe got the cool guy.

"Good to meet you. We are having a party at the beach around 10.00 tonight if you wanna drop by." Alex said casually. He had to maintain his cool exterior even if inside he was thinking just how beautiful the red head was who stood in front of him.

**Present Day**

It was getting late and the girls were very drunk. It seemed that Miranda and Callie had embraced the new OB/GYN Attending and Addison decided that the move to Seattle might be just what she needed. Derek had wanted to get out of New York for some time and Addison agreed it was time for a change. Who knows it might even be time to start a family she had been putting it off for a few years now.

The girls got into a cab and went back to Addison's place to continue talking and drinking. They ordered some Chinese food and talked more about relationships and men.

"Do you want to know something really sad?" Addison asked.

"What's that?" Miranda asked.

"I still remember everything about him."

"Who?" Callie asked.

"Holiday fling." Miranda snapped. As tough as the chief resident was she was a sucker for a tragic romance story and it seemed as though Addison had lived it. "Keep up Torres." She added.

Addison began laughing. This woman was hilarious and she just knew that they would become really close all three of them.

"Oh okay. So tell us what you remember. Would you remember him if you seen him again?" Callie asked.

"Oh without question. He was the sexiest guy I have ever met. He was so confident and cocky. He was just ahh so amazing. I remember thinking I had died and gone to heaven after the first time he kissed me. It was incredible."

"God that sounds good. I want to hear the whole story. I want to work out what happened." Callie said with a sigh.

"You won't be able to. I tried for years. I eventually saw reason and gave up." Addison said in between mouthfuls of Chinese food."

"Come on you can't just leave it there. We want more details." Miranda said.

"Not tonight. But I will tell you another night maybe." Addison said hopeful that they could do this again.

"Definitely." Callie said.

"So what was his name?" Miranda asked not wanting to stop hearing details about the mystery man.

"His name is Alex Karev." Addison said with a sigh.

Callie and Miranda looked at each other. _Oh shit. It couldn't be? Could it?_

**A/N: So there you go. I would appreciate it if you would tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!! I know Addison seemed a little needy when she was younger, but don't worry you will see her toughen up.**


	2. Boys Night Out

**A/N: Thanks so much for all of your reviews. It's very much appreciated.**

**I need to apologise for getting Alex's home wrong. I said it was Ohio and it should have been Iowa. Thanks Piet Pompies for pointing that out. **

**Hope you all Enjoy Chapter 2.**

**Chapter 2 – Boys Night Out**

Alex had managed to avoid going to Chief Webber's house for dinner. He hated organized work functions, as far as he was concerned that was not part of the job. Tonight however, begrudgingly he agreed to go out for drinks to meet the new head of Neurology. _Like I care._

He grabbed his jacket that was lying on the chair and made his way out of the hospital. He walked the short distance to Joes the closest bar to the hospital in which he had spent many nights over the years.

"About time Karev." Mark said as Alex approached the group.

"Yeah, sorry I got held up." Alex lied.

"Alex this is Dr Derek Shepherd the new head of Neurology. Derek this is Dr Alex Karev the Head of Paediatrics." Richard Webber said introducing the two men.

The two Dr's shook hands.

"Nice to meet you Dr Karev." Derek said.

"You too." Alex replied.

A few hours and many drinks later the men noticed a group of young men and women flirting with each other.

"God I would hate to be going through that again." Derek said.

"Oh it's not so bad." Mark disagreed.

"No I was never any good at that. Lucky I'm married."

"You're married?" Alex asked.

"Karev do you ever check your email?" Richard asked annoyed. As much as he respected Alex as a Doctor he annoyed the hell out of him for his lack of interest in other hospital matters.

"Yes I check emails I just don't read unimportant hospital memos." He replied knowing full well this would piss the Chief off.

"Well Hospital Staffing is important and if you bothered to check you would have found that Derek and his wife are both starting work with us on Monday."

"Oh what does your wife do?" Alex asked just to be polite.

"Addison is a Doctor too." Derek said.

"Not just any Doctor Derek. Don't be modest of your wives success. Addison is one of the best Neo Natal surgeons in the country. We are very lucky to have both of them working for us."

"Oh I was wondering who would take over that job." Alex said trying to ignore the fact that just hearing the name Addison bought back memories he didn't want to think about.

"Yes and I hope you can get along better with her than you did with her predecessor. I need my OB and Paediatrician to get along."

"Yeah, yeah I get it Richard. Can we just enjoy the night?"

"So you aren't married Alex?" Derek asked trying to change the subject.

"Ha, you've got to be kidding. The longest relationship Alex has ever had is with his best friend Mark here." George said.

"Thanks O'Malley. I'm just not the marrying kind of guy." Alex said with the shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm afraid the list of women who have graced Alex's bedroom is long and varied." Mark said.

"Oh not unlike yours." Richard added. "If the pair of you were not such good Dr's I wouldn't put up with your out of work activities."

"Oh for Christ sake Richard lighten up. You wonder why we never invite you anywhere." Alex said taking another mouthful of his beer.

"So neither of you has had a serious relationship?" Derek asked in a way envying these men.

"Well no not really." Alex said.

"Not enough time, you know work and stuff I mean I dated Claire for about 6 months that was pretty big for me." Mark said.

"Yeah I remember her. She was hot." Alex said.

"Yeah she was. Oh well you dated that underwear model Izzie was it?" Mark said to Alex.

"You know full well that's her name and she is now a Doctor at the hospital." Alex said.

"Yeah very hot blonde. Then there was the crazy ex patient, Ava, Nurse Olivia Oh and don't forget the Redhead from Florida all those years ago. Can't remember her name."

At Mark's mention _of her _Alex suddenly didn't want to pursue the banter anymore. He hated that it still bothered him. He hated that he didn't know what happened between them and he hated most of all that he still thought about her occasionally wondering where she was and if he ever crossed her thoughts. Thinking about _her_ again only put him in a bad mood.

"No I can't remember her name either. That was a really long time ago. I'm surprised you remember her." Alex said feigning indifference again.

"Oh come on you pinned over her for what felt like years."

"I did not. Talk about exaggeration. I didn't pine. I don't pine. I was a kid what were we 18? She was my first girlfriend and she dumped me. I was pissed off more than anything. I didn't pine. I don't pine. Ever." He ranted.

Mark just looked at him. "Fuck you're still pinning. And you do so remember her name; you just don't want to tell us you do."

"Oh Shut up Mark." Alex said. Now annoyed with himself that he let Mark get to him.

**Many years ago – Florida**

"Dude what's the deal with the redhead?" Mark asked.

"I like her. She's different to the girls I usually go for." Alex replied shrugging his shoulders.

"She is. Not your type at all. Not that I'd say no but I think she won't be the type of girl to give it up easily. So you might be wasting your time."

"Maybe. I just want to get to know her. And by the way I saw her first so don't even think about it."

"The way she was looking at you today, trust me buddy she only wants you." Mark said as they made their way to the beach.

A few hours' later Addison and Naomi turned up at the beach. As soon as Alex saw her he smiled to himself. He noticed her earlier that day as soon as she walked into Mark's Aunt's Diner; he decided there and then that he would get her to go out with him. He didn't think it would be too difficult now that she had showed up at his first invitation.

"Hey, Addison I'm glad you made it." Alex said as he walked over to the girls.

"Hi." Was all Addison could reply.

Alex knew she was nervous and for some reason instead of letting that inflate his ego like he normally would he found it sweet.

To avoid feeling like a third wheel Naomi decided now would be as good a time as any to get drunk and meet new people. After all that was the plan the girls had decided on before they started College and had to get serious about study.

This left Addison and Alex alone. They sat in the sand near the fire and Addison began to drink to help her overcome her nervousness. After a few drinks Addison began to feel a little more comfortable and began talking easily.

The pair covered all topics about where they were from, what College they were going to after the summer and how long they were going to be there for.

"Mark's Aunt and Uncle own the diner." Addison said clarifying Alex's words.

"Yeah, she offered Mark and me a job for the summer to earn some money before we start College."

"So you will be here for 3 months?"

"Yeah. What about you?"

"We are staying with Naomi's Grandmother. We go back at the end of summer, 1 week before school starts."

"Great, so we can hang out when I'm not at work."

"Maybe." Addison said non commitidly she didn't want to appear too keen.

Alex smirked to himself, he knew she was trying to play it cool but he could tell things were going to work out just as he would like them to for the summer.

The pair spent the rest of the night together before Addison had to go. They were walking back to the party after a walk along the beach. He stopped her and she turned to look at him.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I want to do something." He replied as he tugged her closer to him with her hand that was still held in his. She looked into his eyes as he leant closer to her and just as his lips brushed across hers softly her eyes fluttered shut. Alex dropped her hand that was in his and circled her waist so she was now flush with his body. Addison's arms were now wrapped around his neck, returning his kiss that had now deepened. His tongue entered her mouth and began to explore her. A slight moan escaped her mouth at the contact.

They pulled away from each other for a brief minute. His hands moved to either side of her face and he lightly kissed her again.

"We should get back." He said.

**Present Day**

"I had better get home. Addison will probably be home after her night out." Derek said.

"Sure. I think I'll get going too. We can share a cab if you like?" Alex said.

"Good idea." Derek replied.

There was something nagging in the back of Alex's head why there was something about Derek and Addison. Addison and Derek. He remembered HIS Addison talking about her friend and he was sure his name was Derek. When he rang her Dormitory at Harvard he was sure Derek was the name mentioned as to why she wasn't there. But then again it was so long ago. The details of the break up were getting a little vague now. He may have dwelled on them and made them a little more sinister than what they really were.

Of course it was all Mark's fault if he hadn't of brought her up in conversation he wouldn't be feeling sorry for himself thinking about her all over again. It was stupid. But it didn't matter how many times he told himself that it didn't stop him from thinking about her.

As Alex got ready for bed that night, he hated himself for doing it, but he took out the only photo he had of Addison. It had seen better days but he couldn't bare to part with it. It was taken a few weeks before they both left Florida, she was laughing at something he had said and in his mind she had never looked more beautiful.

He knew it was pathetic and as he touched the photo he laughed at the thought that this same girl could now be Derek Shepherds wife. It was just impossible. _Wasn't it?_

**A/N: So there you go Chapter 2. Please let me know what you think. Next Chapter: Addison starts work at SGH. How will they react? Probably not how you will expect.**


	3. Staff Meeting

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who are still reading and enjoying this story. Thank you also for your kind reviews. It's good to know there are still some Addex fans out there. It's a shame there isn't more stories. Because they all seem to be Merder who I really can't stand. But anyway that's just my oppinion.**

**Now on with Chapter 3. I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 3 - Staff Meeting **

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was a total professional and starting work at a brand new hospital did not faze her in the slightest. She was the best at what she did, totally confident in her abilities therefore absolutely no need for nerves. Professionally they didn't come much tougher. She worked with women at their most vulnerable, she worked with babies that needed special care, and she managed to walk the line between caring yet not getting too attached. That was why Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was a very sought after Doctor.

Alex Karev while a little rough around the edges and messy in some areas of his life, as a Surgeon a Paediatric Surgeon at that he was flawless. Totally competent, nothing fazed him and he knew children were brought to him for not only his surgical skills but for his very special brand of bedside manner that children loved. That bedside manner just happened to be honesty. A lot of people believed children should be sheltered; while Alex was never blunt he did tell them exactly how it was in layman terms. Everyone parents included appreciated this. That was why Alex Karev was a very sought after Doctor.

Richard Webber had called a staff meeting which he did periodically. Alex was making himself a cup of coffee and standing by the machine when Addison walked in to the conference room. She glanced around the room and her eyes landed on the man by the coffee machine. Even standing side on to her she knew it was _HIM_. _Oh my god, it just can't be._

Alex hadn't noticed her and made his way to take his place at the conference table. Addison stood rooted to the spot unable to move, unable to breathe, her heart rate increased as she couldn't stop looking at the man who broke her heart all those years ago.

Derek arrived about 5 minutes later and his arrival brought Alex's attention to him, by this time Derek had placed his hand on Addison's shoulder and he smiled at her and they began to talk. Now it was Alex's turn to be totally shocked. _Fuck it is her. Now after all these years. Oh Christ she is even more beautiful now then she was all those years ago._

Richard started the meeting off by introducing everyone in the room to Addison and Derek even though the majority of them had met at Richard and Adele's dinner party. The meeting began and Addison couldn't focus, she wasn't listening to a word. She glanced in Alex's direction; he was looking down at a patient's chart in front of him not listening to a word anyone was saying either.

"Okay everyone thanks for being here. Alex, Addison can you stay behind I have a pregnant woman with triplets being transferred over from Mercy West and I need both of you on it."

After everyone had left Addison and Alex both felt uncomfortable, waiting to see just how the other would react. Silently both of them decided to take their cue from the other party.

Addison was convinced that Alex wouldn't remember her; Men like him didn't remember women like her. Even though she was a beautiful, competant surgeon, she sometimes still felt like the awkward band geek.

"Addison, I don't believe you have met the head of our Paediatric department. This is Dr Alex Karev. Alex this is Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd Head of our OB/GYN Department."

"It's very nice to meet you Dr Karev." Addison said politely extending her hand for him to shake it.

_She doesn't remember me. FINE! I feel like a complete jerk holding out hope she would at least remember me. Well screw you Addison, I'm going to pretend I don't know you either._

"Likewise." He replied smiling.

_He really does not remember me. His face shows no sign of recognition. I really shouldn't be surprised._

As their hands touched both of them felt the jolt of electricity, starting at the fingertips and travelling up to their forearm. Both of them of course pretended they never felt it.

Richard went on to explain that the woman being transferred had to have an emergency c-section because the triplets were in deep distress because the mother had had a partial placenta abruption. He needed Addison to take care of the mother while Alex concentrated on getting the babies to respond, given they were to be born at 30 weeks and one of the triplets in particular was very small it could be touch and go.

"I now have one of the best teams a hospital could ask for, so I am hopeful for a good outcome." Richard concluded.

"Thank you Richard. If you excuse my Dr Karev, I need to check on a few things I will meet you in emergency when we get paged." Addison said in her best professional voice.

"Certainly." He replied.

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Addison quickly exited the conference room, and walked briskly to her office shutting the door. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, her chest hurt and she felt tears start to sting her eyes. How could he still have this effect on her? Addison was hurt and angry, but the memories of the summer they spent together contridicted those feelings. All she could think about was how incredibly sexy he was, how it felt to have his arms around her, what his kisses felt like. He really had turned into an exceptionally good looking man. _Damn you Alex I know it was a long time ago but the fact that you don't remember me... God was I really forgettable to you?_

Alex was pissed. He walked straight passed Miranda and kept walking. Miranda noticed he didn't look like himself. Sure he wore a pissed off expression regularly enough but this one was a different.

"Alex, I've got a patient in the ER I'd like you to take a look at." Miranda called out after him.

"Um yeah sure, Miranda I need, ah I just need 15 minutes."

"Are you okay?" she asked as she walked closer to him.

"Of course I just have something I need to do."

"You just came from the staff meeting didn't you?"

"Yeah. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Miranda said knowing full well that yes in fact it was the Alex Karev; Addison had had her first romance with. And it would seem by his reaction that he too remembered it.

"Good." He said sternly. "I'll meet you in the ER in 15 minutes." Alex finished.

Miranda left her files with a nurse at the desk and quickly paged Callie. _Addison's office now._

Miranda and Callie found Addison sitting on the small couch in her office staring into space.

"Addison?" Callie asked quietly.

"It's him. He works here. Why didn't you tell me?" Addison said. All the tears had gone but she was still visibly shaken.

"Look Addison, we are sorry." Callie said looking at Miranda. "We thought it was a co-incidence that it couldn't possibly be the same man."

"I just wish I had been prepared." Addison said.

"We really didn't think it would be him. That's why we never said anything." Callie finished.

"No I guess not. I mean does anyone know the population of this country?" Addison asked.

"Not off the top of my head." Callie said.

"Well it's a lot. Around 300 million. 300 million people live in this country and while Karev is not exactly a common surname, what would the odds be that it is the same man I knew 15 years ago." Addison said trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

"I know you would have better chances of winning the lottery." Miranda said.

"Are you okay?" Callie asked.

"No. But I will be. Like I said it was 15 years ago, for God's sake he didn't even recognize me."

"Are you sure about that?" Miranda asked.

"Positive. He looked straight through me, smiled politely and shook my hand. There was no recognition at all."

"Well the Alex Karev I just saw looked pretty shaken. I've never seen him like that. I told him I needed a consult and he told me to give him 15 minutes. Alex doesn't do that. He acts tough but where kids are concerned he would have normally followed me to the ER straight away."

"So you think he was just acting as though he didn't know me?" Addison asked sceptically. "I really don't think so. No he didn't recognize me at all." Addison finished.

"I don't know he is a complex man."

"Yeah well it doesn't really matter anyway. It was a long time ago. I have to work on a case with him today. A patient is being transferred she should be here shortly."

"If you need us for anything let us know." Callie said. "How did it feel seeing him again?"

"Well aside from the shock, he is even better looking now than he was then. And when we shook hands... Agh God just the touch of his finger tips gave me chills. So what does that tell you?"

"That tells me you still have very strong feelings for him." Miranda said smiling sadly.

"No time to think about that. I have to read up on this case and wait for her arrival."

"Yeah I need to meet Alex in the ER to see to this little boy."

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Alex sat outside trying to gather his thoughts. He was the kind of guy who never showed too much emotion. Especially where women were concerned. He liked sex just as much as the next guy but he never really let feelings get in the way of that. But this woman, well he had let feelings get in the way all those years ago and the fact that she didn't even remember him was not just a huge blow to his ego, it actually hurt. Admittedly it was a long time ago but he had just thought it was different with her. The slim hope he had had that she would still remember him had just vanished.

"Alex?" Mark asked.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just taking 5 before I have to give a consult for Miranda, then I have a big case coming in from Mercy West."

"Okay, do you want to go to Joe's tonight?"

"Nah not tonight. It's gonna be a long day."

"Okay, so what did you think of Shepherd's wife? She's hot right."

Alex just glared at him before saying "You didn't recognize her?"

"No. Why would I? I think I'd remember someone that looked like that. Why do you remember her? Mark finally asked.

"She is the redhead from Florida."

"Seriously. Fuck what are the odds?"

"Only about a Billion to 1." Alex bit back sarcastically.

"Well I guess you can find out why she dumped you." Mark said trying to joke.

Alex scowled at him. "She didn't recognize me."

"Ouch. Oh well it was a long time ago."

"Yeah it was. It's not like it matters. Anyway I better get going. Actually you know what, lets go out tonight. Not Joe's though somewhere new. We need to meet new women."

"That sounds like a plan." Mark readily agreed.

"I'll let you know a time; it depends on how this case goes from Mercy West."

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Addison and Alex worked together very well considering they had never worked together, not to mention the fact that they were both pretending that they had never met before let alone anything more than that. They had both given themselves a strong talking too and decided to be nothing but professional with each other. After all it didn't matter now, it was so long ago. What would the benefit be of admitting they remembered each other? It was better this way.

A few days later, Addison entered the NICU to see Alex doing some checks on the triplets.

"How are they?" Addison asked.

"The two girls I think will be fine. But the boy, it's going to be touch and go, but in all honesty in my experience I don't think it looks good. How's the mother?"

"She will be fine, she lost a lot of blood and I had to do a lot of repair work. I'm not sure at this stage if she will be able to have any more children, but we will have to wait and see."

"Well I guess it's just a waiting game now. We have done all we can." Alex finished.

"Yeah. Hey I don't know about you but I could use some caffeine." Addison said. She turned to walk towards the door before, the next words out of Alex's mouth made her stop in her tracks.

"So you are still addicted to that stuff." Alex said. It slipped out of his mouth before he realized his mistake.

Addison slowly turned around, staring at him, again her heart started racing as she looked into those beautiful chocolate eyes that had always mesmerized her.

"You do remember me." She almost whispered.

"Of course I do." Alex said looking directly into her blue eyes.

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**A/N: Okay so that was chapter 3. I hope you liked it. As ususal your reviews are really appreciated. So please be kind and review.**


	4. Half Truths

**A/N: Wow Thank you for all of your kind reviews. I really am so greatful. I was very unsure about this story but because of all the kind feedback I'm going to continue it. If anyone has any suggestions as to what they would like to see please let me know. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Quite a bit is revealed about what did happen all those years ago in Florida.**

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****Chapter 4 – Half Truths**

**Present day - Seattle**

"Alex I can't believe it. I... I really thought you didn't recognize me."

"I wasn't sure at first." He lied. "I mean it was so long ago, but after working with you, and hearing your voice it came back to me."

"Oh right. Yeah I realised it was you the day after we met. I didn't want to say anything; I mean God it was like forever ago so...um I guess... how are you?" She said nervously. Addison was not a very good liar. This was not what she expected and she really didn't know what to say or how to behave around him.

"I'm good. You?" He asked with a slight nervous laugh himself. This was not the way he had imagined the first conversation he would have with her after all these years.

"Well yeah I'm great. Derek and I are glad we decided to move here."

"Oh Derek. Yeah well I guess he was more than just your friend. You guys got together when you moved to Boston." He said trying to keep his voice light with no resentment.

"Oh No. Derek and I we didn't...I mean no we were just friends until our last year of Med school when we decided to see how we would go as a couple."

"Look Addison, you dumped me, it's no big deal. You don't have to lie about it. So you had a fling before you and Derek got serious it's really not a big deal. I promise I won't tell him." Alex said with a smirk, trying to sound very casual. Inside his heart was thumping against his chest and he wanted to just get the hell out of the room.

"What? You seem to remember things a little differently to me. If I remember correctly it was you who dumped me." Addison said also trying to sound light and casual.

**Many years ago – Florida**

"Alex I don't want to leave you." Addison said not wanting to let go of Alex at the airport as she held onto him tightly.

"I don't want to leave you either. But we both know we have too."

"I know. It's just... I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you too. But Addie, hun I promise we will make this work."

"How? Tell me again. How can this work when you are on the other side of the country." Addison said trying desperately to hold back tears.

"We just are. We can call each other, email, and when it's the holidays somehow; I'll get some money together and fly out to Boston. Then the next lot of holidays you can come to Iowa." He said soothingly. The summer had changed him. He had become caring and sweet it really annoyed the crap out of his best friend but he didn't care. Addison was now the most important person in his life.

"Okay. You're right. We can make this work. I love you Alex." Addison said. Alex wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumbs.

"That's good because I love you too. Baby please don't cry it's only going to make it worse, I don't want my last memory of you to be standing here crying."

"I'm sorry. I'll stop now." She said putting on a big smile.

"There it is the smile I love." He whispered softly.

"Sorry to interrupt you love birds but Addie we have to go it's the last call for our flight." Naomi said.

"I know." Addison said.

Alex pulled her close to him one last time, hugged her tightly before she pulled away slightly. She looked into his eyes and leant in to kiss him. He caressed the side of her face and kissed her softly. He sucked gently on her bottom lip before his tongue moved into her mouth. She moaned slightly. She never wanted to let him go but it was time. Addison reluctantly pulled away from him.

"Have a safe flight. I'll call you as soon as I get to Harvard."

"You too. I'll talk to you in a few hours. Love you Addie."

"Love you too Alex."

OxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxO

A few hours later Addison called Alex. All she got was his voice mail. After another few hours she started to get worried. He should be home by now. Why hadn't he returned her call? So she tried again, still got voice mail. The next day she was really worried, she hadn't heard from him. She tried again. Addison didn't want to appear desperate but she was concerned something dreadful had happened to him. Unfortunately this time when she called she got a message that simply said _This number is no longer in use. Please check the number before dialling again._

OxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxO

Alex made his way out of the airport and went to Mark's place. They were both staying there the night before they moved to Iowa State University, the next day. He searched through his backpack looking for his cell phone. He couldn't find it. He tipped everything out of it to no avail it was gone. He started to get stressed; he knew Addison would be getting worried, that he hadn't answered her call.

"Fuck it, Fuck!" He said in frustration.

"What's up with you?' Mark asked.

"My cell it's gone. I must have dropped it. It has everything in it. All my numbers." Alex said in slight panic.

"Oh, well I'm sure Addison has your home number." Mark said trying to sound interested.

"No! She doesn't you don't understand, I never gave it to her, Fuck why would I? I would hardly want her talking to my drunk and stoned parents now would I." He said sarcastically.

"Hey don't take it out on me. Look, surely you wrote her number down?"

"No I didn't. I'm an idiot. I only put her number in the cell's address book. Now I don't have any way of contacting her. I know... I will try calling Harvard. Surely they can put me through to her Dorm."

"Yeah I guess that's worth a try." Mark said. Now really uninterested. Why his best friend was so hung up on a holiday fling was beyond him, but whatever.

OxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxO

The weeks went by and Addison finally decided that it was over. Alex had lied to her. He had no intention of keeping in touch with her. He just used her for sex. He was probably having a great time laughing and telling all his mates how he seduced a geek. She was miserable. She didn't think her heart could ache any more than it did at that very moment. Unfortunately it would only get worse for her.

"Addie you have to snap out of this." Derek said to her.

"I can't Derek. It hurts so much. He used me. I really believed him. I thought...I thought he was the one. I know I'm stupid. He really made me believe he loved me."

"If it makes you feel any better, you were right; Brooke Davis did use me for the summer. I helped her with summer school so she could go to college. She even had sex with me, and then as soon as she got her marks she stopped returning my calls."

"Oh Derek I'm so sorry. We make a great pair don't we?"

"Yeah I guess we do. But we have to try and make some friends here at college."

"Why? We have each other and Naomi and Sam. We are here to study anyway." Addison said shrugging her shoulders.

"You are right. Is there anything I can do?"

"No I just need some time on my own. I'll get over him. It's just gonna take some time."

OxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxOxxxO

Alex wasn't giving up. He knew Addison was insecure and he knew she would be thinking the worst that he would have abandoned her. He had to find a way to get in touch with her. He just had too. Instead of getting to know his new class mates he spent a great deal of time and money that he had made over the summer calling Harvard University, searching for her. After having no luck he tried calling all of the Montgomery's he could find listed in New York City. Unfortunately none of them were Addison's family.

By now it was 3 weeks since they had been apart. Alex gave Harvard University one more call hoping to find her.

"Hi look I hope you can help me. I need to urgently get in touch with a Miss Addison Forbes Montgomery." Alex said trying very hard to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"Oh yeah, she was here, she moved off campus with her boyfriend Derek a few days ago. Can I take a message I still might see her."

"No um thanks." Alex said as he hung up the phone. _So much for her missing me. She probably didn't even try to call._

**Present day - Seattle**

"Alex I don't know quite what to say. All these years I just believed you used me."

"For what it's worth I didn't Addison. But I understand why you thought that."

"And for what it's worth Derek never was my boyfriend then. We moved off campus because well I needed too. But that is another story. We really were just friends then. It took me many years to get over you."

"You know this all sounds like a really bad Hallmark movie doesn't it?" He said trying to lighten the mood. Even though he knew the truth now, she had tried many times to get in touch with him. It didn't change a thing. She was married now. At least he knew the truth and if anything his ego was intact.

"Yeah it does. A really bad one too." Addison said agreeing with him. Even though she felt like her heart was breaking all over again.

"I mean who were we kidding. Even if we had of stayed in touch, it would have been hard to keep up a long distance relationship anyway." He said looking into her eyes not wanting to get his hopes up that things could have turned out differently.

"Yeah of course you're right. It could never have worked." She said returning his gaze. In that moment all the years melted away and they were right back at that place.

"Well at least we both know the truth now. So I guess we can be friends now." He said.

"Yeah...friends...just friends. I guess I should be going."

"Sure. I'll keep you updated on the triplets."

"Thank you. Alex for what it's worth I never forgot you. A girl never forgets her first well... you know." Addison said not daring to use the words "first love".

Addison smiled, turned and left the NICU leaving Alex standing alone.

"I never forgot you either. You were my first and only love Addie." Alex said aloud to a room that contained 3 tiny babies. He was pretty sure his secret was safe with them.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Your reviews, comments and suggestions are most welcome! Thank you**


	5. I dont like you Or do I?

**A/N: Thanks to all of you for your kind reviews. I hope you to continue to enjoy this story. Again please if anyone has anything they would like to see happen please just let me know! Now I hope you enjoy Chapter 5**

**Chapter 5 – I don't like you or do I?**Addison always believed that if she ever found out that what had happened between Alex and herself she would somehow be happy. That she would be able to put the past behind her. She was wrong, all it did was make her angry, bitter and cause her to spend a lot of time wondering "what if?"

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Over the following month or so it had became increasingly difficult to be around him. She tried to be mature, she tried to be friendly but it seemed as though Alex was a little annoyed with her. Okay a lot annoyed with her. So she retaliated by being just as rude to him. Perhaps she had upset his world as he knew it too. So they went from being friendly, to being professional, and now they were situated at somewhere resembling hostile.

"Oh Dr Karev. What are you doing here?" Addison asked as she walked into the nursery.

"New born exams. What does it look like?" He replied as he continued to do basic tests on the babies.

"I can see that. I'm just surprised to see YOU doing them. Isn't that a job for a Resident not an Attending?"She replied rudely.

"Unlike you I'm not too busy with writing papers to be published for my patients."

"Sounds like jealousy to me."

"Keep tellin' yourself that. If that's what helps you sleep at night."

"Are you finished insulting me now?"

"What are you doing here? Surely you have sick women to look after." He said dismissing her question.

"That I do. However part of MY job is to oversee the tests done on newborn's."

"The Ped's department can look after them. No need for you to worry about it." He said still not looking up at her.

"Well Richard employed me to 'look after them' so I do need to 'worry about it.'"

"No Richard employed you to look after OB/GYN. Once the baby is born, Dr Shepherd they become my responsibility." Alex had stopped what he was doing and now looked directly at her.

"I think you will find we are supposed to consult on this." She said meeting his glare.

"Fine. I've completed half of them, you take the other half. If it's not going to interrupt with whatever paper it is you are working on."Alex said glaring at her before he walked out of the room.

Addison just stood open mouthed as he walked out of the nursery. _Who the fuck does he think he is? He cannot speak to me like that._

Seeing her everyday had begun to really annoy him. He didn't know why exactly. He should be happy. He knew it was just a weird twist of fate as to what had happened all those years ago, when they both told there versions of the story he felt relieved. Now he was annoyed and pissed and seeing her nearly every day was not helping.

_I really have to stop being so rude to her, but she just push's all of my buttons. _

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"Okay. That's enough. Will you tell me what is going on with you?" Mark asked Alex over lunch in the cafeteria.

"Nothing." He replied.

"Alex, I'm not buying it. Just tell me."

"I just wish she would go back to New York." He mumbled.

"Addison?" Mark asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I just...I just don't want her here. Ever since she told me she tried to call...Agh I just can't seem to...to..."

"To what? Stop thinking about her. Wondering if things could have been different?"

"No!" He lied. Mark glared at him. "Oh alright yes."

"Dude you really have to get over this. She is married. Ordinarily I don't have a problem with sleeping with married women. You just don't do it if you know the husband, and given you know her husband I think it could get messy."

"That's not what I want."

"Oh you're going to sit there and tell me you don't want to sleep with her...again."

"Yes...I mean No...I mean okay yes I want to sleep with her again but I want...I want more."

"Fuck, you have it bad. Alright if that's what you want you should see if she wants that too, if so well it's easy she leaves the perfect husband for you. God knows why she would want to do that but hey it's your story." Mark finished with a smirk.

"Thanks for the support."Alex said sarcastically.

"Seriously though, I've never seen you like this about anyone else so if you think it's worth perusing then you should."

"Somehow the way I've been speaking to her lately, I doubt very much if she would sit at the same lunch table with me let alone anything else."

"Well then may I suggest you start with being a little nicer. You never know it might just work. By the way the whole angry, mean, I don't want to talk to you thing reeks of high school dude. Grow up." Mark said as he got up and left Alex sitting alone.

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Richard had called Addison into his office. Richard had heard on numerous occasions her arguing with Alex over everything from waiting or not waiting another 24 hours to operate to how fast a saline drip should run into a 12 hour old baby. To say Richard was less than impressed would have been an understatement. He knew both of them well and wanted to hear both sides of the argument before he told them to suck it up and get along.

"Do you want to tell me what the latest argument was about?" Richard asked.

"Richard, look I'm sorry he just won't listen. He has total disregard for my opinion and expertise."

"Look I know Alex and he is an extremely good Doctor I think he may be just engaging in a bit of a turf war. He doesn't want to let go. He is one of those people who likes to be in control of everything."

"Well so do I Richard, but I'm at least prepared to listen to his opinions even if I don't agree."

"It seems to me as though he says it's black so you say it's white. Why is that Addison? I have known you for a very long time and I know you don't let people get to you so why has he?"

"I haven't let him get to me." She lied. "He is just closed off and very hard to get along with. Maybe you should get him in here for an interrogation."

"I intend to. But please Addison try harder, don't make me regret my decision of appointing you in this position."

"You have got to be kidding me? You do know I could work anywhere? I don't need to be here Richard. Any hospital would love to have me and if you are going to take Alex Karev over me well fine you do that but it would be a mistake." Addison said in a very harsh tone as she got up from her chair.

"Addison sit back down!" Richard ordered. "Now do you want to tell me what the hell is really going on here?"

"Nothing. I just don't appreciate being told that my appointment to work here was a mistake."

"I never said that. Look I've never seen you like this, you are agitated and bitter that is not the Addison I know. Please tell me what is going on."

"Honestly Richard I'm fine. I'm sorry I will try to work things out with Dr Karev as long as he tries to meet me half way."

"Alright, I can see you aren't going to tell me anything. I will speak to Alex and explain the situation to him. Then I want the two of you to sort this out. Understood."

"Yes." Addison said nodding her head before she got up to leave his office.

_Damn you Alex. What the hell are you doing to me?_

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"Hey you got a minute?" Alex asked as he entered Addison's office.

"Sure. I'm guessing you spoke with Richard."

"I wouldn't exactly call it speaking; it was more like having my ass kicked." He said with a slight smile.

"If it makes you feel any better he did yell at me too." She said returning a slight smile.

"Yeah so, I promise I'm going to listen to your valued opinion and I'm sorry for behaving like a jerk ever since you got here."

"I'm sorry too. So does this mean we can try and get along?" Addison asked.

"Yeah, I mean we did get along well once before, I'm sure we can do it again."

"Of course. Look Alex my behaviour was immature and silly. Honestly seeing you again has totally thrown me for a loop. I just didn't know how to handle all the new information."

"I know me too. For so many years I believed one thing and it turned out to be something completely different. So I just didn't know how to deal with that."

"I know but how about we just try and put all of that behind us and move forward. We can work together and who knows we might even be able to be friends."

"I'm up for that. We were friends once. I'm sure we can pick it up again."

Addison gave him a curious look and a sly smile played on her lips. Before Alex continued. "Oh no I didn't mean like that. Oh god no I mean just friends. I'm not trying to pick up where we left off. I mean you're married and..."

"Alex its okay I was just joking. That was a long time ago. Goodness we have both moved on. I'm married and you... well you have legions of women to keep happy."

_Oh great she thinks I'm a man whore fantastic._

"You shouldn't really listen to hospital gossip." Alex replied. The last thing Alex wanted was for Addison to think he was sleeping around with a different woman every night.

"Oh well I usually don't but hey I am a woman it's what we do.' She said trying to sound light.

"Okay. So we are good? I mean we can do this right."

"Yeah we are good and we can certainly do this."

"Truce?" Alex asked.

"Truce." Addison agreed nodding her head.

Addison extended her hand. Alex took it and shook it slightly. The feeling both of them felt was undeniable. They stood there looking into each other's eyes. Alex glanced at her lips. _God she is so beautiful, I really just want to kiss her now._

Addison's heart rate increased and she felt her breath hitch, the look in his eyes and the way he looked at her lips made her feel things she had thought were gone. _I'm not over him, I'm really not. I want to touch him again. It's like all of my fantasies are standing there right in front of me._

They stood like that for what felt like an eternity. She had to let go of his hand. She had to leave the room. Okay she had promised to work with him. She was going to fight the feelings of her stomach doing somersaults, fight the urge to reach up and kiss those lips.

Alex looked at her. She felt it too, he knew it. He remembered that look she had in her eyes, the look that told him she wanted him just as much. Alex knew she would fight it. She was a good person and she was married, she wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that. That didn't stop him having hope that maybe Mark was right. If they started getting along again that maybe just maybe she would see that even though they had spent years apart, they were in fact meant to be. _I don't believe in the whole fate, signs and soul mate crap. That the universe is trying to tell us we should be together...but maybe oh fuck now I'm starting to sound like a chick. What is this woman doing to me??_

Addison finally removed her hand from Alex's. "I should go. It's been a long day and I just want to get home."

"Yeah I think I might get going too."

"Well good night Alex."

"Good night Addison."

As Addison made her way to the door, she turned briefly and said. "I finished the new born exams you asked me to do. You can check over them if you like. See if you agree."

"I trust you Addison. I don't think I need to do that." He replied with a guilty smile.

"Okay then. I guess I will see you at some stage tomorrow."

"Yeah tomorrow. See you then."

Addison barely made it to the locker room. Her heart rate was still up and she felt overwhelming sadness. Not only were all these feelings rushing over her, feelings of want, need, desire and love. There was more to it. She was going to have to tell him at some point. That was going to be a hard conversation. After all these years he deserved to know the truth.

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**A/N: Ok I'm the first to admit that Alex is really out of character, but you know what I'm good with that because really, Alex needs some happiness. More importantly I need Addex and there is just so few of them around. So if you agree with me please be kind and review.**


	6. We need to talk

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who is still reading this story. Thanks to everyone's kind reviews. I really appreciate them. **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!****Chapter 6 - We need to talk**

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Over the next few weeks Alex and Addison began to get along. They managed to be professional and they worked well together on a few cases. Both acknowledged that the other had a lot of experience and began to value the others opinion.

They both fell into an easy routine of seeing each other most mornings before work to go over various things. Both of them kept up the pretence that it was best for their respective specialties but they both did it just so they could spend time together alone before the day started.

Alex loved to watch her mouth move when she spoke and he had to try really hard to focus on what she was saying. He knew he was getting in too deep and he knew he was never going to have Addison in the way he really wanted her. But for now he would take what he could get and for right now that meant sharing early mornings together and nothing more. _If only_

"Hey I bought breakfast." Addison said as she walked into Alex's office.

"Thanks." He said as he looked up at her.

"Well it was my turn." She replied lightly.

"So what do you have?" He asked as he moved from behind his desk.

"Oh just banana bread and coffee. Hope that's okay."

"Sounds good. So what have you got on today?"

"I have a C-section for twins in about 30 minutes then I have some cysts to remove from an ovary. What about you?"

"Well its Tuesday so I have my weekly tonsillectomy's today. 5 kids in total today." He said with a smile.

"Sounds like an easy day for you." She replied.

"Don't say that you will jinx it. I will get something come into the ER if you say that." He said.

"I had no idea you were superstitious."

"Well there are a lot of things you don't know about me." He said with a sly smirk.

"I guess that is true." She said trying not to look at his lips.

"I'm sure there are a lot of things I don't know about you too." He replied.

Hearing that comment made Addison feel nervous. They were getting along so well now. Sometimes it felt like she was living a double life. On one hand she had the kind safe husband at home and at work she had this amazing man who made her heart race and made her feel things she thought were long dead. If she told him about what happened the real reason she left campus, everything could possibly be ruined. But as time was going on by not telling him she felt that she was lying by omission and that wasn't what she wanted. She debated with herself over and over... Did he have a right to know?

"Yeah there probably are." Addison replied vaguely. "Look I should leave you too it. I will see you before I leave tonight we need to talk about Baby Henderson."

"Mmm yeah. You still want to wait another 48 hours before we operate."

"I'm not sure. I think you might be right he isn't responding to the medication as well as I would have liked."

"Okay well I will check on him again before my first tonsillectomy and we can talk about it later."

"Alright well I better get going. See you later."

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"Hello."

"Hey Nae it's me."

"Addie how are you? What time is it in Seattle?"

"Midday."

"And you are calling in the middle of the day. What's wrong?"

"Do you think I should tell Alex?"

"Whoa. I wasn't expecting that. Oh I don't know. I mean do you think it will make a difference."

"I don't think I should keep it from him. We are getting along so well I just think the closer I'm getting to him well I think he deserves to know the truth. It was something I never thought about because I never thought I'd ever see him again."

"No I guess you didn't. It's still unbelievable really after all these years. And to think he wasn't the jerk we thought he was. I mean I feel bad for saying all those awful things about him."

"Well we didn't know he lost his phone or that he tried to get in touch with every Montgomery in New York or that he managed to get in touch with the dorms at Harvard, just after I left."

"God he really did want to find you didn't he?"

"Yeah which makes me think I should tell him."

"I guess you are the only one who can decide that. Addison I want you to be honest with me. How do you feel about Alex now?"

"Oh he has turned out to be an amazing man. Still arrogant and cocky but he has a kind and gentle side too. He is amazing with the kids."

"You didn't answer my question. How do you feel about Alex?" Naomi asked again.

"I'm confused. Honestly I don't know how I feel. I know I love being around him, he makes me smile and even when we argue over a patient I like it. He challenges me and sometimes I don't even listen to what he is saying all I can do is focus on his lips moving and then I start wanting to feel them on mine and it just gets Agh I have to stop."

"Addison you can't keep working with him if he affects you like that and telling him what happened all those years ago isn't going to achieve anything."

"Maybe not but I feel like he should know the full story. I only gave him half of it. He doesn't know I tried to call Iowa State."

"Well if you think it's the right thing to do then maybe you should tell him. How do you think he will react though? And are you prepared for that."

"I don't know. I really don't. I mean how can you be prepared for that. I have no idea how he will react, he may very well hate me. But I think he should know, it's the right thing to do. When the opportunity presents itself that's when I'll tell him. If the time is right then I will tell him. I'm not just going to bring it up out of left field."

"Well take care and let me know if there is anything I can do. Be careful Addie."

"Thanks Nae I will. Take care and I will be in touch soon."

Addison hung up the phone and continued on with her day. She managed to have lunch with Derek. Derek was her best friend. He knew her well and she always felt safe with him. He helped keep her life on an even keel and she loved him she really did but it wasn't the love that she knew she still felt for Alex. _The way I feel about Alex is just never going to change._

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Later that evening Alex stopped by Addison's office to discuss the Henderson baby. After they talked at length they decided to operate the following morning.

"Hey do you want to hear something funny?" Alex asked.

"Sure." She replied.

"This woman Mark slept with years ago way back when we were at University turns up today for a breast enlargement."

"Oh God did he remember her?"

"No. But she remembered him and it was not pretty. They say karma is a bitch."

"Yeah. I guess it is." Addison said laughing a little.

"God he had that many girls through our dorm room it wasn't funny."

"I bet." Addison added.

"They were fun times though. You missed out on all of that. You never did tell me why you decided to move off campus with Derek."

And there it was. The right time. Alex was asking why she left. It was now or never, time to come clean and tell the truth.

"I did move off campus with Derek, we shared an apartment for 4 years. We both just felt Dorm life wasn't for us."

"Oh well I guess it isn't for everyone. I had a blast though."

"Alex I want to tell you something." Addison said seriously.

"Okay, you sound serious." He said looking at her with concern.

"I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you after I couldn't get in touch with you that I gave up and assumed you didn't care."

"What do you mean?"

"I rang Iowa State University and tried to find you. Like you it took a while but I finally did get in touch with your dorm."

"Oh well why didn't I get a message or speak to you?" Alex was now beginning to feel uncomfortable and a little unsure of what was coming next.

"Well if I remember correctly which I do because I've never forgotten it. A woman answered the phone and when I asked for you she told me and I quote 'Get a clue if he didn't give you his cell phone number he really just used you. The number of girls through that Guys room is too many to count and he has only been here 3 weeks. Sorry.' and she hung up."

"Fuck. Addison I'm sorry that was not true. Mark probably slept with her and she assumed we were the same. Don't get me wrong I had my fair share of girls through University but it took me a while to get over you. It really did. I hope you believe me."

"I do believe you. It's not important now anyway. As we've said a million times it was so long ago. But I did try to get in touch with you for a reason Alex. I really needed to talk to you."

"Addison what is it?"

"I just never thought I would see you again so I never thought I would have to tell you."

"Tell me what? Why did you need to talk to me so badly? Is it the reason you moved off campus?"

"Yes. You have to understand I was 18 and alone and I was so scared I just didn't know what else to do. So I tried to find you. I really needed you."

"Addison what are you trying to tell me." He said as he took her hand in his.

"Alex I was pregnant."

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**A/N: So there you go Addison was pregnant. I have a scenario played out for what I think should happen but I am open to suggestions so please feel free to let me know!**


	7. Sorry

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for their kind reviews. I had a lot of trouble writting this chapter. I know it may not be to everyones liking and I thought long and hard about how I want this story to go. So I hope you like it!!**

**Thanks Ash for your help with this chapter. As always it is much appreciated. xxx**

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**Chapter 7 - Sorry**

"W.W What." Alex stuttered.

"Alex..."

"No!" He said a little angrily as he took his hand from hers. "You have been here for 3 months. And you are only now getting around to telling me that I have a child." He said looking at her with hard eyes.

"No." She said quickly. "No. We don't have a child Alex." She added a little softer.

**Harvard University – Many years ago**

Addison sat and stared at the pregnancy test. _Positive! Positive! Fuck! Oh God what am I going to do?_

Naomi had arrived back to the dorm after a date with Sam and noticed Addison staring off into space.

"Addie? What is it?"

"I'm...I'm pregnant." Addison stuttered.

"Oh Jesus."

"I know. I've been sitting here for a few hours just staring at the positive result. What am I going to do Naomi? I tried to call Alex and he has moved on apparently. He obviously won't help me."

"Well you know Sam and I will and of course Derek. Derek would do anything for you."

"I know and thank you. But Nae what am I going to do? I just can't have a baby. My parents would disown me and I would have to drop out of school and then what? How on Earth could I raise a baby on my own with no help and no income?"

"Well you don't have to make any decisions right now. How far along are you?"

"I'm not sure. I'm about 2 weeks late, so I'm guessing around 6 weeks."

"See you have a little bit of time. You should tell Derek. Between the 4 of us we can work something out. Whatever you decide you know that we will all support you."

A week later and after much consideration, soul searching and talking to her friends, Addison had made an appointment to have an abortion. She cried and wrestled with the idea but she knew she wasn't ready to be a mother and knowing that her baby's father had discarded her she came to the only decision she could.

Naomi and Derek took Addison to the clinic where she had to have some counselling and make an appointment to have the "procedure" done 48 hours later. Addison sat holding Naomi's hand thinking about how she would live with herself after she had had the abortion.

"You don't have to do this." Naomi said quietly.

"I do Nae. I can't have a baby. Maybe I could if Alex was still around but he isn't. I know you hate him and I know I should too but right now I just want him to be here. I just need his love and support. I still love him and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. He just used me but it felt so real to me." Addison finished sadly.

"Addie, Alex is gone. You will never see him again. I think it's just all the hormones talking." Naomi said trying to be as supportive as she could.

"I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?"

"I can't answer that Addie. But you are being incredibly brave and you are going to go on and become the best surgeon and have an amazing life Addie. In time you will be able to put it behind you and get over Alex. I have no doubt about that."

"Thanks. I'm going to go over to Derek's dorm for a little while. He is buying Thai food for dinner and we are going to watch a movie while you and Sam make out here." Addison said with a small laugh.

"Call me when you get there so I know you are okay." Naomi asked.

"No problem."

An hour later Naomi was getting worried. It wasn't like Addison not to call so she made a quick call to Derek.

"No she isn't here yet. I just thought she was running late and you two were talking." Derek said.

"I have a bad feeling." Naomi replied.

Derek, Naomi and Sam all went looking for Addison. They found her not far from Derek's dorm and they all quickly went to help their friend. She had been beaten and mugged. She had hit her head as she had fallen and was unconscious. They quickly got her to the closest hospital, where the Doctors checked her out. Addison had a mild concussion, some serious bruising and some cuts that required stitches she had also miscarried.

"Addie you are going to be fine." Derek said as he held her hand.

"I hurt all over." Addison muttered.

"It's going to be okay. I will help you."

"I can't go back there Derek. I lost my baby."

"I know and I'm sorry. Things happen for a reason Addie. We can move off campus. We can get an apartment together. I will help you start again. We can help each other; living on campus isn't for us anyway. What do you think?"

"Yeah. That might help. It's a good idea. Thank you Derek, you are a good friend." Addison mumbled as she went back to sleep.

**Present Day – Addison's office**

Addison thought that she had cried all the tears she had for her unborn child and for what had happened to her that night but telling Alex brought everything back and seeing his reaction made her heart break all over again.

Alex was pacing around the office; he had so many emotions running through him all at once he didn't know where to start. He was still trying to process everything that had happened to Addison.

"Alex, I know you are really angry with me right now for what I was going to do. Believe me I have hated myself for years, but I want you to understand at the time I really thought..."

"Addison no!" Alex interrupted as he made his way back to sit next to her on the small sofa. "Yes I'm angry. I'm angry with so many things. I'm angry with myself for losing my phone, I'm angry with that stupid bitch for telling you lies about me, I'm angry for not being there for you when you needed me, I'm pissed that you had to even make the decision to terminate OUR pregnancy and I'm fucking furious with those guys that attacked you, BUT believe me I'm not angry with you." He finished as he took her hand in his.

"I'm just so sorry Alex."

"It's not your fault." He said as he took her into his arms and held her while tears fell onto his shoulder.

They continued to hold each other, both lost in their own thoughts. Thoughts of all the loss and sorrow they had both been through. As angry as he was he was happy that she had told him, he just wished things could have been different.

"I'm sorry." Addison repeated over and over again.

"Addie, sshh it's not your fault and the decision you made was the right decision. But ultimately the decision was taken out of your hands by those assholes who mugged you."

"I know it was but I was still going to go through with it."

"Well you had to do what was right for you, and being alone with a child at 18 would have been so difficult. Naomi was right it was a brave decision to make. I just wish I could have been there for you."

"I really wanted you to be there too."

"I know it's not the same but I'm here now. I'm so glad that you told me."

"I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or not. I just thought that you deserved to know the truth." Addison said as her tears had begun to subside.

Having Alex hold her again after all these years felt so perfect, so right and so natural. She felt like she was home. Alex was the man she loved and there was no denying that. He was being so understanding and compassionate. She knew by his reaction that he was just as devastated as she had been.

As Alex continued to hold her he felt an overwhelming rush of something he hadn't felt in a very long time. _I'm still in love with her. No one makes me feel like this. I just wish I could make all the pain go away._

Addison's head was lying between Alex's shoulder and neck; he gently stroked her hair as he kept telling her none of this was her fault and that he was sorry over and over again. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Even under the very sad and emotional circumstances, everything about being in each other's arms felt comfortable and right.

Addison moved from her position and looked deep into Alex's dark eyes. He touched the side of her face and wiped the remaining tears away with his index finger. They gazed into each other's eyes for a few lingering moments; he hadn't yet removed his hand from the side of her face.

As their gaze got more and more intense, the combination of the feelings they had once shared and the built up emotions over the past 15 years began to surface it just seemed like the most natural thing in the world to lean into each other until their lips brushed against each other.

The kiss was soft and a little tentative. They both pulled away just as quickly and Alex removed his hand from the side of Addison's face. They continued to look at each other and within moments they had both leant in again. This time it was Addison who cupped Alex's face in her hands as they began to kiss.

This time the kiss, while still slow, was a little deeper. When Alex sensed she wasn't going to pull away from him he reached out and put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. The kiss deepened further and Alex's tongue gently entered Addison's mouth as she moaned quietly at the sensation.

After a few minutes of beautiful, slow and tender kissing and holding each other they broke apart. They looked into each other's eyes and Alex took Addison's hands in one of his as the other pushed her hair away from her face.

"Alex I should go." She said quietly.

"I know. Please let me drive you home. It's been an emotional few hours; I don't think you should drive."

"No I'm fine. Truly Alex."

"Okay. Please send me a quick text message so I know you got home safely."

"I will. Are you sure you have your phone?" Addison said trying to make light of the highly dramatic situation.

"Yeah I do. I learnt my lesson." He said smiling for the first time in quite a while.

"Thanks Alex for being so understanding. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure drive safe."

Both of them knew they couldn't ignore the kiss they shared forever but right now there were too many other things to think about. Alex watched as Addison left her office.

_Addie was pregnant with my baby. I understand why she was going to have an abortion I really do. How different things would have been if I had of known then. She certainly wouldn't have been mugged that's for sure. Who knows we could have had a 14 year old son or daughter now, and Addison wouldn't be married to another man._

_Addison I swear I will do whatever it takes to make you mine again. I love you and I finally realize I always have and always will._

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**A/N: So there you go Chapter 7. Hope it lived up to your expectations. Please let me know what you thought. I'm very interested as I said at the beginning this chapter was very hard to write.**


	8. I Want You

**A/N: Thanks as always to everyone who reviewed this last chapter. I did reply to all of your reviews. I'm not sure if you received them or not because I was having a few problems with the internet. Anyway Thanks! I hope you like this chapter! As always any suggestions are always welcome.**

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****Chapter 8 – I want you**

That night Addison struggled to sleep. She tossed and turned and woke through the night having a bad dream of reliving the attack again.

"Addison. What is it?" Derek asked half asleep.

"Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." She replied. Still piecing it all together.

"What was it about?" Derek asked always concerned.

"It was about the night I lost the baby."

"I wonder what made you think about that. You haven't thought about that for a long time." He said as he pulled her close to him.

"Oh I'm not sure." She said hating herself for lying to him. Hating herself for kissing Alex earlier. Hating herself even more for not regretting kissing Alex.

"Try and get some sleep." Derek said.

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Alex didn't even attempt to go to bed; he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he lay on the sofa channel surfing for most of the night. He couldn't really concentrate on anything. His mind was wrestling between two things.

Firstly that Addison had been pregnant with his child and even though he knew logically even if he was around then that neither of them were ready to be parents. That still didn't stop the fact that he felt the sense of loss. Along with that loss came anger at what the woman that he loved had endured at the hands of those 2 men.

Secondly and this was the one that at least brought a smile to his lips was the fact that he had held Addison again and she didn't resist when they kissed. So the conclusion that Alex came to was that perhaps she still felt something for him too. If that was the case he was going to make sure that they would be together again somehow.

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The next morning Alex was already in the Nursery doing 'his share' of the new born exams. Addison may well be the love of his life but there was no way in hell he was giving up this part of his job. He still liked to be in charge of the Post-Natal ward even if he begrudgingly had to share it with Addison.

"Good Morning." She said quietly as she entered the room. There were only a few night nurses doing a hand over to the day work nurses at this time of the morning so they always had time alone.

"Hey. How did you sleep?" He asked concerned.

"Oh alright." She lied. _No point telling him the truth._ "And you?" she asked.

"I didn't get much sleep." Alex always went with honesty.

"I'm sorry Alex. I just don't know what else there is I can say."

"I told you Addie, you have nothing to be sorry for. Please don't say it again. It wasn't your fault. None of it was. The whole thing it's just...it's just sad."

"Yeah it is."

"Does Derek know?"

"About you?"

"Yeah."

"Um no. He knows the story of Alex in Florida and he was there that night so he knew I was pregnant but he doesn't know you are THAT Alex."

"Well I guess he doesn't need to know that."

"No. I'd appreciate it if we kept it that way."

"Sure."

"So I can finish up these exams if you like?" Addison asked.

"No. The deal was we would do half each." He said light heartedly.

"God you're stubborn. I was just trying to help." She said returning his smile.

"Oh well if you want to help you can fill out the paperwork for me while I do the tests."He said in all seriousness.

"Hey what did your last slave die of?"

"You said you wanted to help. Here's the forms and a pen. I'm kind like that I can even provide the pen." He said smirking.

Addison took the forms and PEN off him and pretended to be annoyed.

"Alex I'm really glad things aren't going to be weird between us. I like being friends with you." She said looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"It took 15 years to have you back in my life I don't want to do weird with you."He replied.

Addison was a little surprised at his reaction but happy none the less. It seemed as though they could talk about the pregnancy and the miscarriage but the kiss was something they silently agreed not to acknowledge.

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A few days passed and even though on the surface everything seemed to be okay between Alex and Addison there was still the underlying feelings about the kiss. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything but by the time another week went by Alex decided it was time to say something.

They had a minor disagreement on the course of treatment for a new born and after they eventually agreed she turned to leave his office, her hand was on the door knob when she heard Alex's voice.

"Are we ever going to say anything? Or would you rather just keep avoiding it?" Alex asked.

"I was hoping we could avoid it." She replied softly.

"Well..." He said as he walked closer to her and placed his hand over hers that was still holding the door knob. "I have a few things I want to say."

Addison looked down at his hand covering hers and she felt that same tingling sensation in her hand and she could feel her heart rate increase and there were butterflies doing somersaults in her stomach. She eventually turned her gaze to his before she spoke.

"I don't know what there is to say Alex."

"Okay well how about you just listen." He said as he took his hand from hers and asked her to sit down on the small sofa.

"Please don't. I shouldn't have. It was a mistake." She said as she sat down next to him.

"I get that this is hard for you. I know that but you can't tell me that it didn't feel right."

"Alex. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"Well Addison sometimes life is hard. You didn't answer my question. Tell me that the kiss didn't feel right."

"I shouldn't have kissed you back. It wasn't fair. I'm married to a wonderful man. I shouldn't be kissing anyone else."

"Probably not but you STILL haven't answered my question. Did it or did it not feel right to you?"

"I can't." Addison said still avoiding the question.

"That isn't an answer."

"No it shouldn't feel right. I'm married. To Derek. Who is a wonderful man."

"But..." Alex prodded.

"But YES okay! Yes it felt right. It felt good to be with you again. Happy now."Addison said angrily. She really didn't want to admit any of that to him but he kept pushing the subject so she let it out.

"No I'm not happy now." He said back just as angry. "This isn't easy for me either Addison."

"I realize that Alex but what is it you want me to do about it. I'm married."

"Yes and you don't have to keep reminding me of that."

"This is pointless. We are going around in circles." Addison said as she got up to leave.

"Stop. I haven't said what I wanted to say." Alex said as he got up himself.

Addison turned around and met his gaze again. They stood looking at each other in the middle of his office.

"What is it?" She asked sighing.

"Addison, if I thought for 1 minute that you felt nothing for me, I wouldn't bother you. Trust me I don't chase women I can't catch. I know you felt something last week so I'm not going anywhere. It's complicated, I understand that but by us not being together who wins. Derek doesn't win because he is your second choice..."

"How dare you? Derek is not my second choice."

"Really. Let's see, would you have started anything with him all those years ago if we hadn't lost contact." Alex challenged.

"That is a stupid question that I can't possibly answer."

"Alright how about this one. Does he make your heart race when he looks at you?" Alex asked as he moved closer to her to prove his point.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he moved closer to her and she was now standing pushed up against the wall near the door.

"Nothing and you didn't answer another question. Does Derek make your heart race when he looks at you? If you don't feel anything for me this shouldn't bother you." He breathed out as he took her face in his hands and leant in slightly. He was going to make her close the gap. He knew he wasn't playing fair but if this was what it took to make her realise that she was meant to be with him then that was what he would do.

"Alex...don't do this." She whispered as she felt her resistance fading. One hand caressed her face as the other began to tangle in her hair. She could feel his breath on her lips as her eyes drifted from his warm eyes to his very kissable lips. Still they stood like that moment after moment Addison pressed firmly against the wall, Alex standing his ground assured that she would finally close the gap, he was prepared to wait all night.

Alex didn't have to wait much longer before Addison did in fact close the gap between them. There was nothing soft about this kiss it was deep and passionate from the very beginning. The kissing intensified, and as Addison's tongue entered Alex's mouth he groaned slightly. Addison just couldn't resist him and her arms found their way to his chest. _God he felt good._

His hand moved from her face slowly down to her breasts. He stroked one softly through the thin material of her shirt. That sensation jolted Addison back into reality. She pulled away from his embrace quickly.

"Alex. Oh god I'm so sorry I can't do this. I shouldn't have..."

"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have rushed you."

"No I kissed you and I can't do that. This stops now I'm sorry." Addison said as she continued to look in his eyes. Her words were not convincing even to her own ears.

"Addison we are too old to play games. Bottom line, I want you and I know you want me too so you just need to figure it out. I'll be waiting." Alex said still not having moved any real distance away from her.

"Alex you can't just come back into my life and expect to pick up where we left off."

"I want you that's all I know. Let me know when you're ready to admit you want me too."

Addison glanced at him one more time before leaving the room. She knew she wanted him, God who was she kidding she was in love with him but saying it out loud was a completely different thing, everything would be too real then.

_I can't be around him! He makes me do things sane Addison would never do. Okay new plan work is fine as long as other people are around, I can't be trusted alone with him. Next time I might not be able to stop myself. Derek I need to think about him. I've never wanted Derek like the way I want Alex. This is not good, not good at all._

**A/N: So that was chapter 8. I hope you liked it. I'm the 1st to admit that Alex is a little out of character but I know he COULD be this Alex given the chance. Anyway please review and let me know what you think!**


	9. Epiphany

**A/N: I'm so sorry it has been 2 weeks since I updated this story. In all honesty I was just feeling a little lazy, so thank you Dr Hooker for your review today kicking me in the butt to update. So I have worked on a new chapter all afternoon so I hope you will be happy with it.**

**As always thanks to everyone who is still reading this story and your reviews make my day.**

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**Chapter 9 – Epiphany**

The weeks passed by and Addison successfully managed to avoid being alone with Alex. Alex wasn't an idiot and knew it was a calculated move on her behalf. He wasn't losing faith though he would wait.

Everything all seemed to come toppling down on Addison on Monday. It started out an ordinary Monday nothing out of the normal. She met Derek for lunch in the cafeteria. She watched him with a young Intern he had been spending quite a bit of time with. Addison even teased him about the fact that this Intern Dr Grey had quite a crush on Derek.

There was something in the way he was looking at Meredith today that made Addison look a little more carefully. _He has never looked at me like that before._ She shrugged it off, Addison was not a jealous person and she had no reason to start now.

Later that day Addison realised that she does in fact possess a jealous streak. She stood by the NICU and watched from just inside the door as Alex and the new Ped's nurse stood close to each other. A little too close Addison thought. Neither Alex nor the nurse noticed Addison and she listened okay eavesdropped on their conversation.

"You know Dr Karev I don't really know anyone here. I was wondering if you would maybe take pity on me and join me for a drink tonight." The nurse said with a definite flirty tone to her voice.

"I think I could manage that." Alex said returning his trademark smirk along with his own flirty tone.

It was just then that Addison was noticed.

"Oh Dr Shepherd I have done the final checks on the new borns." The nurse stated.

"Well I'm not your boss you don't need to explain anything to me. Excuse me I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Addison said rather sarcastically before she made eye contact with Alex and left the room.

"Excuse me Sarah I'll catch up with you later." Alex said as he followed Addison out of the NICU.

"Addison, Addison" He repeated as she kept walking. When he caught up with her he grabbed her by the arm. "What is your problem?" He asked.

"I don't have a problem Alex but it would appear you do. It's called professionalism. Clearly you lack it. Why would you hurt your reputation as a great surgeon for a fling with yet another nurse? No-one will respect you for that."

"Oh this has nothing to do with my reputation and everything to do with US. You want to talk about professionalism. Well what about the fact that a married attending is making out in her office with another attending and not the one who is her husband." Alex replied.

"Will you lower your voice?" Addison asked.

He pulled her into the closest storage closet. "What is it you expect me to do Addison? Come on tell me I will be really interested in this."

"I...I don't know." She finished quietly.

"Well figure it out. You know how I feel. You know I want you, I may not have said it but I'm STILL in love with you and I will not be saying it again until you can say it back to me."

"You love me?" Addison said in almost a whisper.

"You know I do and you know you feel the same about me. So when you want to stop playing games and be honest with your husband let me know. In the mean time, I'm not a monk if I want to go out and sleep with other women I will. Think about that. Think about how jealous you feel at just me flirting with someone else. Times that by about 100 and you will get close to how I feel every time I look at Derek."

"God Alex I just don't know what to do."

"Yes you do. I will wait for you. But baby you have to figure it out soon. The longer you leave it the harder it is going to be, for everyone involved." Alex finished with a much softer tone in his voice before leaving the storage cupboard.

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Addison needed to talk to someone. She paged Callie and Miranda and asked them if they could drop by her office at the end of the day.

"So what's the latest?" Callie asked straight to the point.

"I have had the weirdest day. I mean I have had an Epiphany."

"An Epiphany right yeah do you want to elaborate on that."

"Okay I'll start with lunch. Derek and I managed to coordinate our lunch breaks and I was sitting at the table waiting for him. He was discussing something with Meredith Grey. Do you know her she is an Intern?"

"Sure she is one of mine." Miranda supplied.

"Oh right. Well I've teased Derek for a while now about how she just gazes at him adoringly. I've always thought it was really cute. Yeah I know I'm a strange wife. Anyway today the way he was looking at her made me think the adoration isn't just a one-way street. I mean I can honestly say Derek has NEVER looked at me the way he was looking at her."

"Oh Addison. Um I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Callie offered.

"No. No. Its okay that's the point I'm about to get at. I felt nothing. I wasn't jealous at all. I mean weirdly enough I was happy for him. See Derek and I have been best friends for god 20 years now and I want him to be happy. There is a little part of me that forgets that we should have more in our marriage than what we do. Look don't get me wrong, I love Derek I really do, but just not in the way a wife should love her husband."

"Wow. That's quite an epiphany." Miranda said.

"Well it gets better. I saw Alex today flirting with a new Ped's nurse. I have honestly never felt jealousy before. But when I saw her batting her eyelashes and touching his arm, I just had these intense feelings of anger. When he was responding to her and agreed to a date I saw red or should I say green. I was so green with jealousy I didn't know what to do."

"Did they see you?" Callie asked.

"Oh yes. I was so rude. I have never behaved like that before. Really all it did was feed Alex's already inflated ego. He followed me out of the room, took me into a storage room and basically told me I had no right to be jealous which is so true. He told me he would wait but he wasn't going to stop his life until I made up my mind. I have a decision to make and I should make it soon. Oh and he told me he loved me."

"Whoa. Wait. Alex Karev told you he loved you?"

"Yes he did." Addison said smiling. "He loves me."

"Okay Earth to Addison." Miranda said.

"Mmm Yeah I'm here. It just.. you don't know how long I have longed to hear those words from him. 15 years to be precise."

"Addison, I hate to rain on your parade but what about Derek. That is not a small obstacle."

"Yes I realise that I guess I will have to talk to him and soon. I know Alex is my destiny."

"Destiny. Jesus Addison snaps out of it. I'm happy you realise Alex is the love of your life but come on destiny. It's not a soap opera." Miranda said ever the realist.

"No I think it's so romantic. Being separated for all those years because of a string of incidents that shouldn't have happened and now after 15 years they find each other. I think its destiny Addison even if Miranda doesn't."

"Thanks Callie. I just have to work up the courage to talk to Derek."

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It was now the end of the day and as if the hands of fate couldn't deal them any more cards Addison and Alex found themselves in the elevator finishing for the day.

"So you are going out for drinks?" Addison asked.

"No. Someone changed my mind." He said smiling at her.

"Oh." Addison said trying not to smile.

They exited the elevator and made their way out to the car park.

"It's not that cold Addison" Alex laughed as he watched her wrap a soft woollen scarf around her neck.

"I hate the cold" She said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Come on let me walk you to your car."

They walked in comfortable silence. It felt weird they had gotten along so well and now with all the mis truths they had lived with for so long now being sorted out, things were now feeling different. Very different. Having Alex tell her he loved her, changed a lot of things. It was out there now, never to be able to be taken back.

Once they reached the car Alex put his hands up and held her scarf on both sides of her neck, wrapping it a little tighter as the wind had picked up. They stood like that for a few minutes, neither saying a word. He looked into her eyes, and glanced at her lips. Addison reached up and touched the side of his face that now had that sexy 3 day growth that she had always found very appealing.

Still neither one of them said a word, reality was now suspended as he kept glancing at her lips, finally with a slight nod of Addison's head they both leant in. Slowly and tentatively his lips brushed across her. In no time Alex had let go of her scarf placed one hand behind her back, the other around her waist and began to deepen the kiss.

Addison's hand moved from his face to around his neck to pull him as close to her as possible, she wanted to feel his well muscled chest against hers even if it was through their many layers of clothes. As their tongues now duelled for dominance, Addison began to moan involuntarily at the sensations Alex was creating. It was like the last 15 years had melted away and they were back to square one.

They pulled away and Alex moved to her neck and began to kiss and suck and lick her neck, all she could do was moan. How she had missed his touch. It was nothing short of sublime.

"Come home with me Addie." Alex murmured into her ear.

"No-one has called me Addie for years. I always loved how you said it." She smiled.

"Come home with me." He said again as he continued to kiss her neck, jaw and ear lobe.

"Oh God." She moaned as he continued on her neck as his hands began running down her sides. Her hands had moved underneath his jacket and she could feel his toned back and shoulders.

"I know it's complicated." He murmured in between kisses. "But all I care about is you...me...and right now." He said huskily as he continued to arouse her.

"Alex I can't I just can't. I shouldn't have done this. It's not fair to you. I have to sort some things out."

"I know you have to talk to Derek. But Addie there is something here, between us. It hasn't gone away it's real. I know you feel it too."

"Yes I admit there is something between us. Something I have never felt with anyone else. Derek has been so good to me; I could never betray him like that. I have to go. I can't be with you until I have spoken to Derek. I promise I will. Trust me. Can you give me a little more time?"

"Then you are saying you want to be with me?" Alex said not daring to hope all his dreams were about to come true.

"Yes Alex I am." She said smiling. "It's always been you."

"Okay. I can wait. Baby please talk to him soon so we can start our life together."

"I will." Addison said before she quickly brushed her lips over his.

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**A/N: okay so there you go. I hope you enjoyed this update. Please be kind and review. They are always really appreciated.**


	10. Time to be Honest

**A/N: Sorry again for the delay in an update. I have been sick with the Flu. I hope you like this Chapter. It probably isn't quite what you expect. As always thank you to everyone who is still reading and enjoying this story.****Chapter 10 – Time to be honest**

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The next few days were busy and Addison wanted to pick the right time to discuss everything with Derek. It wasn't going to be easy but she knew it had to be done. She sat on the sofa on Saturday afternoon waiting for him. She was hugging a powder blue blanket she had since college that she only ever took out when she needed some comfort. Today was one of those days.

"Addison? What's wrong?" Derek said as he walked in and saw her sitting on the sofa with the blanket he hadn't seen for many years.

"Derek can you sit down I need to talk to you."

Derek sat down next to her and she moved the blanket away and took his hand in hers.

"What's going on? Are you sick?"

"No. No it's nothing like that. Derek are you happy?"

"What? What kind of question is that? Of course I'm happy." He said a little confused.

"No Derek I mean are you really happy? I've noticed you with Meredith Grey and..."

"God Addison I swear nothing is going on. You have never been jealous before and you have no need to be jealous now."

"Derek hun I'm not jealous. That's the thing. I should be but I'm not. Please don't lie to me to protect my feelings. I see the way you look at her and Derek be honest you have never looked at me like that."

"Well I'll stop seeing her. I'm just flattered by her attention. That's all I swear. I love you I could never do that to you."

"I love you too. But we both know it's not that crazy exciting can't be without each other love. It's not the eye sex that I see you have with Meredith."

"Oh Addie I'm sorry."

"You haven't called me that in a long time." Addison said smiling. "And you don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Let me make it up to you. Look how about we get away for the weekend try and get some romance back?"

"Derek that isn't the answer. We just don't have that kind of love and if we are honest we never did."

"What are you saying?"

"Okay this is hard for me but I need to be honest with you too. Remember Alex?"

"Alex from Florida; Alex who got you pregnant and never called you again? How could I forget?" Derek said starting to feel uneasy.

"Well what if I was to tell you that I found out that he did try to find me and that there was a string of stupid things that got in the way. He tried to call Harvard but by that time we had moved off campus. He believed I left him for you."

"Well I guess that changes a lot. But how do you know all of this?"

"Oh God Derek...This is awkward. The Alex from Florida is actually Alex Karev."

"Wwwhat? Alex Karev, the head of Paediatrics. The guy who has given you such a hard time since we have been here?"

"Umm yeah. A big part of that was that he was dealing with seeing me again. I of course didn't make it easy. I didn't want to see him; it brought back so many memories. But we talked and he told me how he lost his cell phone and how he tried to find me."

"Oh I see. So it's actually you that wants out. You want to go back to HIM. The man that hurt you beyond belief."

"Yes he hurt me but it was all just some twisted hand of fate. There is a long chain of things that happened. Things would have been so different if he had of been able to reach me or if I could have reached him and I think you know that. You know how hard it was for me to get over him."

"So you do want out of this marriage?" Derek said with obvious hurt in his voice.

"Derek please why do you want to stay in this marriage? Don't you want to see what could happen between you and Meredith? Stop denying how you feel. We get one shot at life. Maybe she is the one for you. I don't want to hurt you but Alex he makes me feel things I have never felt with anyone else. He is who I am meant to be with."

"Addison I don't want to lose you."

"Oh that's not going to happen. Derek you will ALWAYS be my best friend. But come on tell me the truth what you feel for Meredith is different to what you feel for me isn't it?"

"Yes. She makes my heart race when she looks at me."

"See. I'm really happy for you. I want you to be as happy with Meredith as I know I will be with Alex."

"Is he waiting for you?"

'Yes. He told me he has always loved me and he will wait until I can go to him freely."

"Wow. I guess that's it. Our marriage is over."

"Our marriage might be over Derek but you know I will always love you."

"I'll always love you too Addie. Well what are you waiting for? Go! Go find Alex. Tell him the good news."

"I don't have to go now."

"Why not? You two have wasted enough time. Honestly go, and tell him you are free."

"You are an amazing man Derek Shepherd. But I will only go if you call Meredith and ask her out for a drink."

Derek started to laugh. "God it took about 5 minutes for us to be exactly like we were in College. Trying to set each other up. Maybe you are right. Maybe we were always meant to be best friends and nothing more."

"I love you Derek. Now go call Meredith!"

"I love you too Addison, call Alex and tell him the good news." Derek said with a smile as he walked out of the living room.

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"Addison?" Alex asked as he answered his phone.

"Hi Alex. How are you?"

"Fine. Is everything okay?"

"Well I have just finished talking to Derek."

Alex held his breath. _Was this really happening? _"Oh how did that go?" He finally asked trying to sound casual.

"Well surprisingly well. He is on the phone as we speak asking Meredith Grey out for a drink."

Alex was silent on the other end of the phone. He wanted to be supportive after all Addison had just ended a 10 year marriage but he wanted her to hang up the phone and drive over to his apartment ASAP.

"Alex please say something. I thought that you would be happy about this. Have you changed your mind? About us I mean."

"No! No not at all I just can't believe it. I um um ah Are you okay? I mean I know how important Derek is to you. Um and how exactly does Meredith Grey fit in to all of this?"

"Well that is a long story, that I will fill you in about later." Addison said laughing slightly before she continued. "Derek is important to me and I know we will always be the best of friends but Alex it's always been you."

"Addie, would it be too soon if I asked you to come over to my place? I really want to see you."

"Thank god. Here I was thinking I was going to have to invite myself over." She said smiling broadly.

"Well if you leave now you could be here in 15 minutes." He said seductively.

"Make it 30 minutes. I want to get changed."

"I guess I have waited this long I guess I can give you another 15 minutes." Alex said smiling.

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Derek returned to the living room smiling. He told Addison he had a date with Meredith and Addison in turn told her she would be leaving soon to go and see Alex. As strange as it seemed both parties were happy for each other.

Addison had a quick shower and changed into some jeans and a shirt. She wanted to look nice but she didn't want to waste any time she just wanted to get to Alex's apartment and into his arms.

Alex quickly raced around the apartment and cleaned up and waited for Addison's arrival. His heart was racing it felt like he was about to get everything he ever wanted. He was waiting impatiently taping his foot on the floor when he heard the doorbell.

Alex opened the door and smiled. 'Come in." He said.

"Thanks." Addison replied. They both stood there looking at each other.

"Do you want a drink or something?" He asked.

"Oh Alex will you just shut up and kiss me?" She said as threw herself into his arms.

"I think I can do that." He replied smirking at her before he kissed her deeply and passionately.

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A/N: Well there you go Chapter 10 is done. I hope you enjoyed it. Please be kind and review and let me know what you thought. Reviews always make me smile!!


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